For my "down-under" farmtowners......
[1]
A sailor came home from a secret two year mission at sea only to find his wife with a new born baby.
Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.
"Was it me bloody mate Jock?" he demanded.
"No!" his weeping wife replied.
"Was it me cobber Jerry then?" he asked.
"NO!!!" she said even more upset.
"Well which one of me bastard mates did this then?" he asked.
"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.
[2]
My mate asked me how I got these two black eyes, so I told him; I was in church last Sunday, when we got up to sing, the woman in front of me had her dress caught in the back of her knickers.
So I leaned over and pulled it out for her.
She didn't like it and boffed me one.
That night I went back to church again.
Same thing, here's this bird with her dress caught up in her knickers.
'Sod that' I thought, I'm not going to pull it out.
The bloke next to me did, leaned over and pulled it out.
Well.... I knew she didn't like that.... so I leaned over and TUCKED IT BACK IN!!
[3]
An Australian farmer had invited an American farmer over for dinner.
"Look out of my windows," the Australian said, "All the land, as far as you can see, is mine."
The American, not to be outdone, replied, "You'll have to come to visit my farm. You can drive for three days without seeing anybody else's land."
"I used to have a car like that," replied the Ozzie.
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